All About Me And My Zanny World

Just about to give up!

2011-09-11T16:25:00.000-07:00

These last few months have been tough to say the least time again I have tried to rise and time again I have fallen. Its gotten me thinking what would happen if I just gave up, just let everything I'm holding on to so hard go and just gave up. I'm so tired, so done with trying and working and struggling and failing again and again. I don't wanna hit dirt bottom anymore I'm tired of it I just wanna get up and walk away from it all. Just throw my hands up tell life it just won and declare defeat.
But despite all that its just not possible unfortunately like doesn't come equipped with a exit button. It doesn't come with a off switch that you can flip when your just done with it all. We must struggle on despite the pain, the tiredness, the witlessness, the wish to just stop it all. I'm told when we reach rock bottom is when we find in us the strength to go on. I'm really hoping all those people are right!

Tunnel!

2011-05-01T15:22:00.000-07:00

So I'm standing there and ahead of me is this tunnel, its long, dark, and scary! Somewhere down at the end is a light, its so far ahead that all I can see is a tiny pinpoint of light. I turn to walk away but behind me is nothing all there is the path I am on leading to this tunnel. Again I turn to walk down this tunnel and suddenly in my hand is a light its not very bright and it doesn't shine very far but the step in front of me is clear. So I start walking each step is taking me deeper into the dark into the unknown but despite the dark that presses around me I can each step because of this light that I carry.
I wake up and I see that my life is like this tunnel so dark and unknown, there is a light but its so far down the way that all it is is a tiny pinpoint of light. But I have this light, its all the hopes and dreams that I have, all the people in my life that believe in me and are cheering me on, and it lights my way one step at a time. It leads me on through the dark and the unknown towards the light that waits for me!

Just another fall....but I will rise again!

2011-04-15T06:28:00.001-07:00

Sometimes in life we reach moments where it seems the burden life has placed on our shoulders is too heavy, too cumbersome, too much and we fall. All the things we've been holding on too, all the sanity, and the "positive" attitude just washes away and we are left with the loneliness, the tears, and the failure. How do we stand after this? Where do we get the strength to stand and forget everything? How do we gather up our losses and carry on?
I reached one of these moments last night, I just broke, all the strength I'd been trying to hold on too for the last few months just went away and I cried like I haven't in a long time. I don't know if it was a long time in coming, or if there was just one specific thing that brought it on but whatever it was I fell.
For so long I have been fighting to get where I want, to follow my dreams, and to make something of myself and with that comes the responsibilities, the stress, and of course the failures. Somehow though time and time again I get back up and I go again, like a petulant child who just won't give up on the candy they want so bad. Somewhere in me is something that pushes me forward everyday that eggs me on every time I fall. Whether it is strength or pure insanity I know not, but no matter what it is its there.
Loneliness, pain, loss they are all just part of life but just as they are part of life so is strength, courage, and happiness. I believe that when you reach the lowest part of what is you is when you find the strongest part of you that core that won't give up no matter what hits them. These times we hit are not really failure at all they are setbacks and setbacks are meant to be overcome!

One Year!

2011-02-26T07:15:00.000-08:00

Its been one year since I lost the most important man in my life, without out warning without drama he slipped away. Despite all the time that has passed I still miss him every day! There are so many feelings that come with that, everyone tries to tell you they understand what your going through but they don't!
I know they say that time heals all, and maybe with more time I will heal but as it is now I still think he went to early. I wanted him to be there when I graduated from college, to walk me down the isle when I got married, to see my children and have the chance to hear them call him grandpa!
I wanted him to be here for so much, I wanted to be able to tell him that I loved him once more, I wanted him to be proud of me, wanted him to just be here!
Time is so short, its here and then in a instant its gone and never again do we get the chance to live it again. I used to argue with him, disagree on stupid issues, and sometimes I was even guilty of thinking I hated him. But I would take that all back in a second just to have him here again, I would take everything back just to be able to see him smile just one more time!
When it first happened I went through the usual disbelief and than sorrow, and then came the anger. I was mad at him for leaving us, mad at god for taking him. I remember crying and telling god that he had made a mistake that I wasn't ready for him to be gone that he needed to give him back, he couldn't have him yet!
But maybe it was his time, maybe god in his infinite wisdom knew far more than I ever will. I know god has a plan for each person and maybe gods plan for my dad was fulfilled and it was his time to go back home to heaven. I have to say maybe because I still battle with the anger, I still feel the resentment but I have to accept because like I said god knows so much more than we ever could, he took him when he did for a reason, I can't see the reasoning but its there all the same.
One truly great man left this world and took a part of me with him. In a way though he's not gone I can feel him still here looking from beyond, loving each of us, thinking of each of us, sending us his strength from beyond!
Every day I miss him just a little more, and everyday I know that he will forever live in my heart!

I have a dream!

2011-02-20T15:59:00.000-08:00

I have a dream of where I want to be, of what I want to do, a dream so big and beautiful it scares me to think of it.
The process to accomplishing this dream is a very long and arduous journey, its so far away I can't even see it I can just imagine it.
We all have dreams not just small dreams but big dreams, dreams we seldom tell anyone because they are so big we are scared lest they come to naught.
Sometimes I'm worried that in the pursuit of my dreams I will miss out on my life, we've all heard the saying life is what happens while we are busy making other plans. I fear that will be me, I'm so worried that while I'm busy planning for my life and striving to get there all that is around me will just pass away.
I'm scared that if I dare to dream of more, that the chase of that will cause me to miss out on everything else.
Life moves so fast time passes and days turn to weeks weeks turn to months which then turn to years. At one point or another we all look back and realize that while we were dreaming and planning and striving we have also been living.
I don't think that life is about finding your dream I think life is about the journey you take to that dream.
For what is a man without a goal to strive for, yet in that striving lets not forget to take the time to look around us and realize that we are living!

New Year!!!

2010-12-31T15:07:00.000-08:00

Well here it comes again, time for resolutions and change and newness. Time for getting drunk and kissing random strangers with very questionable breath. Time for Moving on into the future and leaving the year past behind us. this year has been so full. Full of change, new people, new experiences, I've definitely run the full gauntlet of emotions and feelings.
When I look at this new year coming up I am both excited and scared. Excited because there is so much potential so much fresh newness so much ability for this year to be amazing. Scared because I don't if I'm ready to face a whole new year full of challenges and pain.
But scared or not I am ready, I'm ready to kiss this past year goodbye and ring in the new year. Im ready to face the challenges, upheavals, and surprises this year has to hold. I'm ready, so bring it on! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

I haven't forgotten!

2010-12-10T11:34:00.001-08:00

No I have not forgotten about you dear blog I've just been terribly busy and important, Ha ha!
So much has happened I know not where to start to update this thing, I am still in Texas, still working at the same school and still loving life!!!
This year has taught me so very much, it has changed me in so many ways I can't even begin to list them all. Its like this year has taken all the things that I am very worst at and made me work on them all. I promise you I am no where near perfect at any of them but I am becoming more adept at handling situations and people!
My apartment is coming along quite nicely, actually starting to look like home rather than an empty living space!
My sister just had her baby, another boy so that bring her to three boys! I am now an aunt of nine nephews and five nieces, and I love them all to death!!!
Over all I am just loving life and I am happy, despite everything I am really just genuinely happy and healthy life is good!!!!

10 years from now!

2010-10-02T10:51:00.000-07:00

Ten years from now who's to say where we will be, life like a colinder tends to shift us through like sand and we fall into the ocean of forever.
Ten years from now I probably won't still be thinking of you, wondering about you, hoping for you.
Ten years from now you will be a faint memory of a time long ago and far away spoken of with fondness and pain.
Ten years from now we won't be the same people we are now we will have changed and time will have battered and bruised us up more.
Ten years from now I will laugh at the pain I feel now because I will think how young and stupid I was.
But this is not ten years from now, this is now and time has not yet dulled the memory of you. I know that what happened is past and I cannot change it but I still wonder about you, I still think of you and wish for you. Give me ten years and I will not remember much of this but as it is now I remember everything, every touch, every kiss, every word. Its not easy to let go though I know if I do it will fade away into the past. I'm not through caring, I'm not through with wanting, but give me ten years and I will be!

Its a new world!

2010-09-27T06:13:00.000-07:00

Life this past year has been a challenge to say the least it has been pushing me in ways I never thought it would push me and making me do things that put nicely I just plain suck at. But slowly and surely through much patience and a whole lot of time, I am getting my life on track.

I have a great job that despite the aggravation it sometimes brings me I wouldn't change for the world. I have my own apartment which is slowly but surely getting there its very slow in coming mind you but each month it gets a little better and a little more furnished and I have the idea in my mind that give me a few more months and its gonna be down right purty!

I am still car less and the scooter is still on the down and out but I have made steps to get it moving so hopefully before to long I will have that done.

So in all I have made a lot of forward progress and I am getting where I need to go one step at a time. So here's to new beginnings and fresh starts without them we wouldn't know what it is to truly be patient!

Thoughts

2010-07-24T19:14:00.000-07:00

I just wanna sit and cry but the tears just won't come. I just wanna feel but I'm numb. I'm in a world full of people but I feel so alone. I want to forget but all I can do is remember. I want to be happy but the sadness just won't go away. I want to curl up in bed and forget the world, but the world just won't forget me. I want to feel soft but pain has hardened me. I want to look at the world and see beauty but all I can see is misery and despair. I want to make life all that it can be but life is what it is and you can't change it. I want to believe but steadily I am losing even that!

I dreamed a dream...

2010-07-24T11:13:00.000-07:00

Last night I dreampt I was driving down a road at first the surroundings were familiar, I knew where I was going and I felt confident and in control. Than I started going faster the familiar surroundings turned unfamiliar and the feeling of confidence and control gave way to panic and fear. I tried hitting the brakes but found there were none, nothing but air was where my feet were I looked around for something to stop myself with and that's when I felt a presence like a warm whispering assurance it told me to relax that everything was going to be okay. I tried to relax but the feeling of fear of the unknown continued to plague me, than all of a sudden it stopped the feeling vanished and all I could feel was comfort and reassurance. I was still in a very unknown place I knew nothing of where I was, I was not in control of what was going on but a feeling of peace and calm enveloped me. I knew that I did not have to know where I was or be in charge cause something much greater and stronger was in control of my life.
Than I woke up I looked around me everything I grew up with everything I knew even the people I knew were gone. My life was that car traveling so fast and so far away from everything familiar and known. There are so many days that I feel panic because I am clueless I don't know where I am going or what is going to happen next and just like my dream life has no breaks. It doesn't pause for you or slow down and wait for you to catch up. It goes at the same break neck speed whether you like it or not, there is no stopping or going back in life it is forwards always forwards. But even after I woke up the presence was still there lingering and telling me it was going to be alright. And I knew despite the scariness of it all and the ever present worry that accompanies the unknown I was going to be alright.

Never alone!

2010-07-17T12:34:00.000-07:00

"Never Alone"

I waited for you today
But you didn't show
No no no
I needed You today
So where did You go?
You told me to call
Said You'd be there
And though I haven't seen You
Are You still there?

I cried out with no reply
And I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I"m never alone

And though I cannot see You
And I can't explain why
Such a deep, deep reassurance
You've placed in my life

We cannot separate
'Cause You're part of me
And though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen

We cannot separate
You're part of me
And though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen

Hello World!

2010-07-16T17:09:00.000-07:00

It has been far too long since I frequented this blog so very much as changed in my life that I feel the need to up date even though no one really cares.
Well the big news is that I have moved into my own place its been so great having my own space and I have big dreams of what I can make it so far its empty but I'm gonna get it just gonna take a little bit of time! I like living on my own and the freedom it gives me mind you if I could drive that freedom would be a little more auesome but I'm working on it. Its all been baby steps but its been good been teaching me patience and hard work. Perseverance has never been one of my strong points but there is nothing that I can do but just work and scrimp and save to get what I need. Its nice knowing that all the hard work you put in is getting you somewhere its great not having to be responsible for anyone but yourself!
My job is still pretty good I feel very happy doing what I love and I know that I am making steps toward my goal of doing what I love! The kids are amazing and of course the staff I work with are all great people! But just like everything it has its issues but they don't seem to bug me as much as they have others. I am hoping that after I work there for a little while they will bump me up to lead and than I can really be doing what I love. But step by step I will get there just gotta work hard and put in the time.
My scooter is not yet on the road due to not having a title and apparently Austin is the hardest place in all the states to get a non titled vehicle registered and without registration I can't drive it so yeah that's been exciting. So for now I am walking getting some good exercise and realizing how much I really need a car but again all in time :)!
So thats whats been up with me....

Happy BIrthday to Me!

2010-06-22T05:33:00.000-07:00

Here I am with yet another year behind me and yet sometimes I don't realize how young I really am and how much more I have to experience and go through! This year was nothing like I expected it to be it was so much much more! My life is more different now than I ever could have imagined it. If I look back on everything that happened and all the choices made I can truly say this has been a hallmark year in more ways than one! I don't know what this year will hold its all a blank canvas waiting to be filled. You ever heard the saying " Today is the first day of the rest of your life" well today really is the first day of the rest of my life its a brand new year with a brand new start I can do and make it whatever I want!

Moving!

2010-05-23T14:44:00.000-07:00

In exactly one week I am moving off on my own its scary and exciting and I'm thoroughly freaked out! But I know its a good step and as scary as it is its also very very exciting, the thought of having my own space that I can do what I like in ( such as doing the friday dance naked :) ) makes me thoroughly and totally thrilled!
Also my awesome family who I love so much went and got me an early birthday present of a scooter which will make it all that easier to zip around and do the things I need! I'm so happy and so thankful to have such an amazing family! Here are the pics:

The road!

2010-05-16T14:48:00.001-07:00

This year so far has been life challenging, scary, long, and just all around nothing like I expected it to be! I have done and experienced so much that I never would have ever thought of myself doing. I truly have stepped out on a limb and sawed it off and I am experiencing the feeling of free falling into the big black unknown. I won't say that I was prepared for everything that has happened some of it has been so painful that even the thought of it still causes me to tear up. I have learned so much that will help me in the future and all the steps that still lay ahead of me. I have learned that its OK to be scared that sometimes bravery is not not being scared but its being scared and still going forward because you know its the right step. I've learned that its ok to cry because being strong sometimes means letting yourself feel. I've learned that family no matter how annoying is still family and no matter what you love them cause at the end of the day they are your family! I've learned that life is very short so you never leave things unsaid or undone! I've learned that life is messy dirty and sucks most of the time but despite it you still can find the silver lining in it all! I've learned that people and situations don't always work out the way you wanted but they always work out in the end whether or not it was the way you planned it! I've learned that no matter where or what you are as long as you have the lord nothing else really matters! I was once asked if I could go back and change things what would I change if I look at my life there are so many things I wish I could change or do differently, but when I am really honest with myself I know I wouldn't change a thing! Everything in my life has made me who I am so truly I wouldn't change a thing about my life!

Whats up home dogs!!!!

2010-03-31T12:31:00.000-07:00

Ok so yeah been awhile, I've been doing stuff such as work and suchness!
I'm back up in NY for a week for my dads wake and time with family, its been fun so far its the first time in years that we've had all nine of us together in one house. Although we don't have the entire extended family here its been nice to see the original primus's together again.
In other news work has been great I thoroughly enjoy what I am doing, its truly a dream come true for me.
Also this just in Joe and Victoria have officially left for south carolina and then who knows where. I will miss them very much, they are amazing people. I love you guys have fun and let me know when Joe Jr. is on the way, ha ha!

One week!

2010-03-04T18:58:00.000-08:00

Its been one week since my dad passed away one long week that will never be forgotten. There truly is no way of ever preparing for a loss like this. In life we learn how to live we try to enjoy life at every turn we look for how we can prolong these lives we live, but nothing in life ever prepares you for death. Nothing in life teaches you how you should grieve, how you should go on, what you should do with the ache in your chest that doesn't go away. There are days when getting out of bed takes everything in you, you can't think about making it through a whole day nonetheless a whole week. But one step at a time you push yourself through just one hour, and than another and soon you find the day is done and you can close your eyes and forget for just a little while everything that has happened. Because despite how much you just wanna crawl in a hole and forget the world life keeps on going and you have to keep on living. I don't think the pain will ever truly go away but I hope with time that it will turn into an acceptance of what has happened and that I can look back on the good memories I have with him.

A letter from heaven!

2010-02-26T13:44:00.000-08:00

Someone sent me this beautiful poem its written as a letter from someone who has passed on and I feel it fully encapsulates what my dad would probable say to all of us who love him.

To my dearest family ...
There's some things I'd like to say,
But first of all, to let you know
That I have arrived okay.

I'm writing this from heaven.
Here I dwell with God above,
Where there's no more tears of sadness ...
There is just eternal love.

Please do not be unhappy
Just because I'm out of sight;
Remember that I am with you
Every morning, noon and night.

The day I had to leave you
When my life on earth was through,
God picked me up and hugged me
And said, "I welcome you!"

"It's good to have you back again,
You were missed while you were gone;
As for your dearest family,
They'll be here later on."

"I need you here badly,
As you're part of my plan;
There's so much that we have to do,
To help our mortal man."

God gave me a list of things
That he wished for me to do;
And foremost on the list
Was to watch and care for you.

When you lie in bed at night,
With the day's chores put to flight,
God and I are closest to you ...
In the middle of the night.

When you think of my life on earth
And all those loving years,
Because you are only human,
They are bound to bring you tears.

But do not be afraid to cry,
It does help to relieve pain;
Remember there would be no flowers
Unless there was some rain.

I wish that I could tell you
All that God has planned;
But if I were to tell you,
You really wouldn't understand.

There is one thing is for certain,
Although my life on earth is o'er,
I'm closer to you now,
Than I ever was before.

There are many rocky roads ahead of you
And many hills to climb;
But together we can do it
By just taking one day at a time.

It was always my philosophy
And I'd like it be for you too,
That as you give unto the world,
The world will give back to you.

If you can ever help somebody
Who's in sorrow and pain,
Then you can say to God at night ...
"My day was not in vain."

For now I am contented,
That my life was worthwhile;
Knowing as I passed along the way,
I was able to make somebody smile.

So if you meet somebody
Who is sad and feeling low ...
Just lend a hand to pick him up,
As on your way you go.

When you're walking down the street
And you've got me on your mind;
I'm walking in your footsteps
Only half a step behind.

And when it's time for you to go
From that body to be free,
Remember that you're not going ...
You're coming here to me.

~ Ruth Ann Mahaffey ~

I Love You Daddy!

2010-02-25T09:50:00.000-08:00

To the best dad in the world, may you rest in peace!!! I love you more than I ever could express, I will miss you so much. You were the best dad, you loved your kids and only wanted what was best for us! I know your going on to a better place and a much bigger mission, I will never forget you! I am only sorry that my children will never get to know the greatest grandpa a kid could ask for. You are leaving behind many happy memories about the way you were always there, they way you loved, the way you lived! The world lost a truly amazing person today, and heaven gained one amazing angel!

I'm pretty happy!

2010-02-24T12:12:00.000-08:00

Life is good right about now and that is making me happy! My dad is out of the hospital and on his way to recovering he still has to go to checkups and take medication but he is doing much better, which is a major miracle and a huge load off!!!
I start work in march which will be great, I can't wait to start teaching again I miss it like crazy!
And other than that I'm good life is good, the people in my life are great, and I have nothing to complain of!!!!

All this and more...

2010-02-16T21:43:00.000-08:00

Well this has been a crazy busy exciting full week, and not to mention I survived yet another valentines as a single, yeah to me!!! Anyway so the big news is I got a job!!!!! Its an assitant teacher position in a preschool in a three year old classroom. At first I wanted to get a position as a lead teacher but now I realize this is probable the best option for me as this way I get training and experience as a teacher in a preschool and I get to learn the ropes and all without having it all on me. So all in all the lord knows best, the pay is a little low but you gotta start somewhere and for someone who is just starting I figured this will do. I'm hoping they will bump me up eventually but we'll see but for now I'm pretty happy with the way it worked out.
In other news on valentines day my dad got really sick and had to be rushed to the emergency room. He was in pretty bad shape and we were pretty worried for awhile but this morning he woke up and seems to be doing a little better so we're praying that he will continue to make progress. There's nothing quite like that happening to make you realize how much you truly love that person and how much you wish you had told them every second of every day. So often we take life and the people in it for granted. But if this has taught me anything its that life is to short and fragile to waste on petty things like arguments. We need to tell the ones we love that we love them everyday never leave those things for tomorrow cause you never know what could happen. So to my wonderful father and all those out there that I love, I love you all heaps and bundles!!!! ( Please continue to keep my dad in your prayers as his not out of the woods yet and we need all the prayer power backing we can get. Also keep my mom in your prayers as shes been with him this whole time and it been very taxing on her as you can imagine. Shes an amazing woman and has been a real trooper through this whole thing remaining totally calm and collected. I love you mommy!)

Name Meanings!

2010-02-04T11:31:00.000-08:00

So I found this really cool site called urbandictionary.com and I looked up the meaning of my name, its pretty accurate which I thought was really cool so I thought I'd share it with you, here it is:

Tiffany

Tiffany's are usually very loyal and intellegant people whom usually doesn't trust many guys. She usually has many acquintances, but very few best friends. They are always opened minded and always have to be entertained or be having a good time. Most of time Tiffany's stay single and flirt around.

	A pretty girl, usually blonde or brunette, whom is outgoing but sometimes shy.
	Usually a very loyal, sweet, and compassionate girl, that finds the beauty in everything. people whom usually doesn't trust many guys. She usually has many acquaintances, but very few best friends. They are always opened minded and easily satisfied.Absolutely adorable. Never let go of that Tiffany. See that girl? She's such a tiffany

"Tifinie" is used in Old French to mean "Epiphany." Tiffany is a name given to mostly American girls, it became popular during the early 1980s. The stereotype that comes with the name is a sexy cheerleader type, or sexy girl.

The name Tiffany was made famous in popular culture first by Charles Lewis Tiffany, the jeweler who would found the famous Tiffany & Co. in New York City.

There's a movie called "Breakfast At Tiffany's" and a song.

During the 1980s there was a teen pop star named Tiffany.

Nicknames and other spellings of Tiffany; Tiff, Tiffy, Tiffie, Tiffani and Tiphanie

3.	Tiffany	\
	Tiffany is greek meaning the appearance of God. Man that girl was a total Tiffany.

Accepting!

2010-01-21T12:22:00.000-08:00

Life has been like a roller coaster lately with so many up and down emotions I almost felt sick to my stomach. But I was reading something this morning that really spoke to me, it was saying something about accepting the things that happen in life and being happy for them whether good or bad. I started looking over at my life of the last few weeks seeing everything that had been happening some good, some disappointing, some bad, and I realized something. I could either take all the dissapionting and bad things and let them bring me down and than take all the good things and go way up or I could just lump them all together accept whatever happens as a part of life and stay up all the time. Yeah sure its hard to accept the good and the bad together and not let one bring you down but I think the secret lies in accepting that life is never going to be all good. There are going to be bad and dissapointing times there are going to be times that you hate your life and and times when you love it. But rather than getting all sad that life isn't good we can just accept the bad times as part of life look for what we can gain and learn from them and accept them for what they are, just another part of what we as humans have to go through. I have resolved to try and accept everything that comes up in my life and to take the good from it and move on without looking at it in a negative light. I have decided to accept!

First Working Interview!

2010-01-20T07:48:00.000-08:00

I went to my first working interview yesterday, a working interview is when you go in and basically do a mock up of what your teaching day would be like how you would control the kids, how you would teach, how the parent like you etc...Kinda nerve racking believe me. Anyway so I went in and did it, it was tons of fun and I realized how much I missed teaching. It was extremely nerve racking as I had someone watching me the whole time and basically grading me on how I did. They have alot of people applying for the job so its going to take a lot of miracle prayers power to help me get this job so please pray really hard for that, please!!! They were adorable kids and I already picked out who's going to be the trouble makers and who are going to be my little pets. So all y'all pray for me whenever you can I super uber appreciate it!!!!

Job Interviews!

2010-01-15T06:52:00.000-08:00

OK, so I'm on the hunt for a job and I have two interviews today there are a bit far away which is a bit of a downside but hopefully if the pay is good enough than it will make up for it. The first is at ten and the second is at twelve so if you find yourself thinking of me just shoot up a quick prayer that I can get a good job and that they really like me the previous two places I went said they liked me but due to the fact that I have never worked in a actual preschool it was a bit of a downside but you never know the lord surely has a plan. So please pray that this job interviewing goes well and that I can have all the right things to say and ya da ya da. I love you all have a great day.

BIg changes!

2010-01-13T17:53:00.000-08:00

Well things have gotten off to a rip roaring busy start this year here I am not more them two weeks into the new year and things have changed in my life considerably. First off I am no longer joining the home I thought I was doing due to the fact that they have no kids and thus have no need of a teacher. I am going to be staying here with my brother and surprise surprise the lord showed me to get a job. So I am presently applying for positions teaching at a preschool I have gone to two interviews and have another one coming up so I'm really praying this comes through as it will be a big load off financially as well as something I'd really love to do.
Life has been crazy busy and fun these last two weeks which has caused me to range in emotions between grumpy depressed and happy in a matter of days. Yes indeed my Gemini mood swings have been out in full force which has been tough on those I live with I know. But life is like that and hopefully one day I will be able to control these crazy mood swings and those around me will not have to suffer quite as much. But until then I am sorry and I love you all.
Anyway so yeah thats all the craziness thats been going on in my life in a nut shell hope you crazy busy lives have been good as well, until next time smile you only live once!

Its 2010!

2010-01-04T19:14:00.000-08:00

Gosh how time does fly its already a new year, it seems like only yesterday it was the beginning of 2009! 2009 was a crazy year, a year full of change for me I experienced so many new things this year and met many very awesome people! I started out 2009 with so many dreams, hopes, and goals most of which I did not accomplish why because they were my plans and not the lords. This year the lord took everything I thought I knew and threw it out the door and replaced it all with his plans, hopes, and goals. I was looking at this year and seeing everything that was in it I wrote it off as a failure something better left in the past and never remembered. But than I realized that despite all the things that happened that I thought were "wrong" I learned a lot and I gained a lot of life experience that I probable would never have learned had things gone according to my plan. I realized that as long as I am following the lord and following his footsteps I'm doing good because I am going forward. As long as I'm moving ahead with the lord and not moving backwards with my plans I'm doing great. So here's to 2009 and the many experiences I gained through it may 2010 hold all this and more and may I continue to travel forward holding tightly to the lords hand.

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-25T06:24:00.000-08:00

Well its finally here, and I am thankful that it is here for yet another year. Last night we watched white christmas, drank eggnog, and opened presents. I am happy I'm here with family and friends, Its been a busy few weeks but now its time to sit back and enjoy some Holiday Cheer! I hope you all have a great Christmas and a very Happy New Year!

Christmas!

2009-12-08T13:14:00.000-08:00

It's December the season of good cheer, warmth, well wishing, and happiness all around. But I didn't feel much like celebrating, I was home sick ( it being my first Christmas away from my parents), we are struggling a lot and so it was a definite no present year, and due to us moving we couldn't even decorate. Suffice it to say I was more than a little Scroogeish, I didn't feel like it could really be Christmas if we couldn't even have a tree or decorations. I read all the christmas stories I could get my hands on, I listened to christmas music 24 7 trying to get myself in the spirit of the season but I just didn't feel it. Than I sought the only one who truly has the answers, I poured out my heart and all the pain I was feeling. I explained how hard this past year had been for me and at the time when I felt like I should be happy and joyful and having fun I wasn't. I told him how much I missed my family and how much I just wanted to feel like christmas again. Than I heard a small voice in my head and I fell silent listening to the one who I owe everything in this world to. He didn't say anything profound or rebuke me for being so "out" of it he simple asked me a question " What is Christmas to you?". At first I began to name all the things that you do at Christmas but I stopped those were not Christmas, Sure they are fun and great ways to celebrate but they are not Christmas. I stopped and thought for a few moments and than I realized Christmas was his birthday it was the time of year to stop thinking about yourself and instead think about others and give him gifts on his day. I had been so busy focusing on the baubles and trinkets of Christmas that I had forgotten what it was really all about. Present, decorations, even family these things do not make or break Christmas. I'm happy to say I now have the Christmas spirit in full force and it didn't come through all the commercial things but through taking my eyes off myself and looking at one that really is Christmas and should be the only reason we celebrate this holiday. So Happy Birthday to you my love, and Merry Christmas one and all!

P.S. I also wanted to add here just to show you how wonderful he really is he did a miracle and made it possible for me to go up and spend Christmas with my family in NY because that's just the way he rolls!!!

Busyiness!

2009-11-30T07:56:00.000-08:00

Well I've been a busy girl, between ballooning, kids, cleaning, cooking and a host of other things. But I am happy I have a lot on my mind but I'm happy sometimes life is like that though its complicated but the complication is good so it makes you happy. Anyway so I got some good news the other day I now have a very good home to move to which takes a lot of stress out of my life. I'm going to stay with my brother till after C'mas so I get sometime to breath and be with family which is very nice. So I'm jsut bust and happy and that's about all that happening in my life. I'm so excited I'm going to have a group to teach again soon, I love teaching ( just in case you guys didn't know that yet).

My life in texas so far...

2009-11-24T14:17:00.000-08:00

Well its been officially one week since I arrived in Austin its been great being back with family, its an invigorating and freeing feeling to be back with people who have seen you at your worst and love you regardless. I missed all of the ones here so much and being back with them has been so much fun. I have been facing amajor decision this past week one that has caused me to get very desperate with the lord, there's nothing like a life altering decision to cause you to do some deep soul searching and really looking at your life. I have made a decision about this thing and despite it probable being one of the hardest things I've had to do in my short adult life I have put it in the lords hand and am leaning fully on him. I stepped out on a limb and sawed it off and now I'm free falling. But with it all I am overwhelmed by an overcoming feeling of being loved and cared for and I know without a shadow of a doubt that Jesus is here with me. I wouldn't trade that feeling for anything in the world, My life is completely in the lords hands whatever happens next is completely his choice. But despite basically having no control over what comes next I have never felt this much peace in my heart about anything. Faith and trust are what I will be taking away from this and for nothing else than that I am truly grateful.

On to Texas!

2009-11-17T13:03:00.001-08:00

I fly to Austin today wish me luck in all my travels and suchlike I'll post once I get there.

Goodbye Mexico!

2009-11-11T22:30:00.000-08:00

Its my last night in Ensenada, and despite it all I will miss it here its a nice little city with beautiful people and it holds some good memories. I will miss my home members, it was a fun six months.
But all's well that ends well and I'm off to another place and another adventure, So adios Ba ha and Hello Texas!

2009-11-11T22:14:00.000-08:00

If life came with a guide, if we could see where each turn in our life would take us would we ever do anything?
If we could open our " Life for Dummies" book and see oh this decision will result in this we would always decide against things. Because lets face it almost every decision we make ends up in something unexpected something we didn't plan on. And most of the time along that journey of the decision we made we hit snags, setbacks, and sometimes we even get hurt. If we could peer around the corner and see what was coming up ahead we would constantly be changing directions in search of one we like.
But the beauty of life is not having that guide, its not being able to see whats around the bend. Its learning through experience that snags can be ironed out, setbacks can be overcome, and hurts do mend. Life is a journey it takes time, It has its ups and its downs. We would love for it to always be wonderful but most of the time it isn't but its during the times when things are not wonderful that we learn the most valuable lessons.
So pace yourself enjoy the journey of life rather than sprinting through it as if it were a race. Savor the good times, cherish the ruff times, and never forget the ones you love for they will be there with you through both.

Its come back!

2009-11-07T10:16:00.000-08:00

My love, My darling, yes the one I always rely on ( except of course for the lord) has come back to me. It was a long time apart but when it came back to me it was as if we had never been separated I caressed your shiny top and slid my hands over your smooth keys and than my finger went to the power button and you started up I couldn't help but jump for joy. Yes, I know I am weird but I am also over joyed to have my laptop back once again it was a headache trying to get it fixed but now that it is I am overcome with appreciation and love for it.
Now I'll stop gushing over a machine and let you know that I did my fist official night of ballooning and I'm proud to say it went fairly well. I didn't pop any balloons, my balloons did not turn out looking to retarded, and financially it wasn't too bad so all in all I am pretty satisfied. I go again today so please continue to pray for miracles of supply that I can make what I need for my move.

My little loves!

2009-11-01T21:04:00.001-08:00

The lord has asked me to give these guys up for a little while, its probable the hardest thing I've had to do so far. I love them so much, I've taken care of them for about four years they have become like my own. I look at them and I see what beautiful kids they've become, I see the baby they were and how they've grown. I see the things they've learned and my heart can't help but ache at the thought of not seeing them anymore, not waking up and saying good morning to them. Not picking them up when they cry and wipe their tears away, not being able to be there on they're bithday and see them laugh and grow and change. But I know that the lord knows best and I am thankful for the many years the lord gave me with them and the times we had together.

My little buggies, I'm going to miss you guys so much!!! Don't forget me and make sure to write me and tell me of all your little happenings I love you guys more than a fat kids loves cake!!! Stay sweet, kisses and hugs!!!!

My life...

2009-11-01T20:38:00.000-08:00

I am officially heading up to austin next month on the seventeenth, it scares me to think of moving out on my own but at the same times its exciting cause I know its for the best.

So much has happened to me in the last six months I feel as though I've lived the events of my whole life in this short amount of time. Its been a tough time but its been a growing time, a time of trials and battles but a time of growth and learning. The lord has pulled out all the things in my life that I was holding on to and I found that the only thing I really need is him. I am walking away from the situation I have been in with lessons learned and knowledge gained. I may not ever look back at this time as my happiest time but I will look back on it knowing all that I gained alot from it. I met some very wonderful people and if for no other reason than walking away from this with the friends I have gained it was worth it.

So here's to changes and the excitement and growth they always bring! Here's to good friends who you can carry with you no matter where you end up! Here's to life, the good and the bad times!

Sexiness!

2009-10-21T23:38:00.000-07:00

Have you ever watched something when you were younger and thought the actor was so good looking but than you watched a few years later and were disappointed that the person you were magooglising was really not that great looking?
Well when I was younger we watched this series called Dr. Quin and in the there is a man called Sully when I was younger I thought this guy was just the hottest thing since sliced bread he was rugged handsome outdoorsy but at the same sensitive caring and he cleaned up well. Recently I found this series again and found much to my surprise that this sully character was just as hot as ever. It made me happy and I thought I'd share he's beauty with you so you can all revel in it with me and if you ever wanna watcha good series get Dr. Quin its great. Its like a little house on the parie but for adults, love it!!!

My buggies are leaving me!

2009-10-21T23:28:00.000-07:00

In about a two week span of time my little buggies are leaving me I feel like a part of me is going to go with them. I love the little munchkins so much they've practically become my own, I've been teaching them for about six years now so its going to be weird with out them. But the lord knows I'm sure he'll bring some other little rascals for me to take care of. Sniffle sob, I'm going to miss them so much though!!!

Craziness!

2009-10-21T23:19:00.000-07:00

So life has been pretty crazy, with changes and everything looming ahead I have been under intense amount of stress. But I realized that despite it all when it comes down to it at the end of the day that the outcome is the same whether I spent five hours or five minutes stressing about where I'm going, how I'm going to get there, if I'm making the right choice, etc.
Anyway so I'm not exactly sure where I will end up but its going to be some where and I will be doing something I know these things for sure. Pray that fund raising goes well and that when I get a chance to do some fund raising I can make the money I need to get where I'm going to go wherever that may be in the end.
In other news one of the homes in the area is hosting a Halloween party this weekend so I'm pretty happy I have never been to a adult Halloween party so this should be fun! I am very much dreading dressing up I may be a real bum and not dress up but we'll see how the mood strikes me.
I miss everyone from FDTP like a heck of alot, I still feel werid when I walk in the room in the morning and don't automatically get about twenty hugs but PTL! I'll go back to normal someday I'm sure, well thats all for now love and prayers are with you.

Great song!

2009-10-15T17:43:00.000-07:00

This song reminds me of the FDTP every time I hear it I get nostalgic!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eB7T3lJ3dZ4

Its done!

2009-10-15T17:38:00.000-07:00

Well the FDTP ended about a week and half ago but I stayed in Texas visiting my family so I'm officially home now. FDTP was just amazing truly life changing the classes were powerful, the teachers were amazing, and I miss all the attendess like crazy they were a wonderful bunch of people!
Now I'm back and facing some major decisions, my home is closing so I'm on the look out for a home now. Its kinda scary, but at the same time I know the lord has a plan so it excites me to see where he will lead me.
Send some really powerful prayers upwards that I can raise the funds I need and that I can find the right home to join. Love and smooches!!!

Flying all alone!

2009-09-19T15:18:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I fly out to Texas for the FDTP, and for only the second time in my life I am doing it all on my own. Don't ask me why but flying makes me nervous even when I'm with someone else but when I'm not it makes me even more nervous. I think its because I've watched to many documentaries on planes and plane crashes it just freaks me out. Anyway so yeah I face my fears tomorrow and I fly, wish me luck and keep me in your prayers! Hopefully I won't get a panic attack or anything, :)!

FDTP!

2009-09-17T22:49:00.000-07:00

Due to many miracles, prayers, petitions, and some wonderful loving giving people I have been enabled to attend FDTP! I am so excited I will have have and relax and retank on the word and do all those other nice things. I won't be on for a while so don't go and miss me too much, Love and prayers are with you all and I will up date post pics and all those wonderful things as soon as I get back! Wish me luck!

That training course..

2009-09-15T11:19:00.001-07:00

Due to my wonderful home voting me into the humble position of manager I have had the privilige of going through the HMTP course and its been wonderful. Its full of wonderful insights and imformation that is helping me to become a better manager and people person. All hail those who put it together its amazing, and a big thanks to peter for recording the audios. I always look forward to my managing devotions its great to sit down and listen to peters soothing voice telling me all manner of good things, I affectionatly call it my time with peter. and thats all I have to say about that.

The latest and greatest!

2009-09-15T11:05:00.000-07:00

Well here I am with up dates of my life, I have been a busy little home member busing around and filling in the slots needed to be filled.
Some of the parents went last week to the PMA graduation in vegas so I stayed home and subsitute parented for them. I believe I have found a cure to those femnine urges girls get when they see a baby. I have dubbed it "rent-a-baby" its a service where when a couple or single is thinking of having a baby they rent a baby for a week or so. Believe me at the end of that week if you still want a child than you are meant to be parents and if not well lets just say its probable also the solution to over population. It's pure genious I tell you!
Anyway yes it was a long week, and than came the day I wait for all week WNR and I spent the whole entire day doing nothing but lying in bed sleeping, reading, and eating. It was a well deserved break and I enjoyed it immensly, its been to long since I had one of those days considering the last few WNR's have been filled with moving rooms, cleaning said rooms, and going out with friends.
Oh and my excitement for the month is that do to the love and giving spirit of my felow home members and others I am going to be able to attend the FDTP this month. I am thrilled beyond words, I am also going to spend a week at my brothers home visting all my family who I haven't see in a while! All in all I am a very happy girl!!!
Another thing that is making me very happy is that a smart and very giving person is attempting to fix my way-ward computer for me. I am deeply indepted to him, ( thank you Nick)!
Right now my life is pretty swell I'll let you know if theres any change, love and prayers coming your way!

Were all going to heaven....

2009-09-09T21:25:00.000-07:00

( I woke up this morning to Zara urgently calling my name and telling me she has something important to tell me here is what in sued I couldn't stop laughing so I thought I should post it:)
Zara: TIFFANY!!!!
Me: Yes Zara, what is it?
Zara: Did you know that we are all going to heaven.
Me: Yes I know if we ask Jesus in our heart than we can go to heaven.
Zara: Yes and we are going to fly all the way to the sun because that's where god is.
Me: How do you know god is in the sun?
Zara: Because god is like the sun.
Me chuckling: Oh so because god is like the sun the sun is god.
Zara: Yes, and did you know when we go to heaven we are going to leave our ugly clothes behind and god is going to give us a pretty party dress and than we are going to have a big tea party with Jesus cause he likes to be with girls.
Me laughing: Oh he does, and who will be at this tea party?
Zara: Oh everyone, me and Brooke and Carla and Ella and all our friends and maybe even the boys if they want to be with girls.
Me: And what will the boys who don't want to be with girls do?
Zara: Well they will have a boy party with god cause he dosen't like to be with girls.
Me laughing hysterically: How do you know that?
Zara: Because he told me.
I couldn't stop laughing after that, she was in such ernest as if she was sharing the secrets of the world, gotta love them kids!

Carry that Cross!

2009-09-08T08:51:00.001-07:00

Complainingly I told myself,
"This cross is too heavy to wear"
And I wondered discontentedly
Why God gave it to me to bear.

And I looked with envy at others
Whose crosses seemed lighter than mine
And wished that I could change my cross
For one of a lighter design.

And then, in a dream, I beheld the cross
I impulsively wanted to wear,
It was fashioned of pearls & diamonds
And gems that were precious & rare.

And when I hung it around my neck
The weight of the jewels & the gold
Was much too heavy & cumbersome
For my small, slender neck to hold--

So I tossed it aside & before my eyes
Was a cross of rose-red flowers
And I said with delight as I put it on,
"This cross I can wear for hours"

For it was so dainty & fragile,
So lovely & light & thin,
But I had forgotten about the thorns
That started to pierce my skin

And then in my dream I saw "my cross,"
Rugged & old & plain,
That clumsy old cross I had looked upon
With discontented disdain--

And at last I knew that God had made
This "special cross for me"
For God in His great wisdom knew
What I before could not see,

That often the loveliest crosses
Are the heaviest crosses to bear,
For only God is wise enough
To choose the cross we can wear

So never complain about your cross
For your cross has been blest
God made it just for you to wear
And remember, God knows best!

Dreams!

2009-09-07T17:43:00.000-07:00

Over the course of my life I have had so many built up hopes and dreams some have come to pass some haven't. I always have this idea of how things are going to come out how its all going to go down. But if there is anything that the lord has been drilling into my head this year is that no matter what dreams of visions you have if they are not his plans for you than you have to let them go. I had so many ideas of how my first move was going to go and how it was all going to play out. But ever since arriving each and every idea I had built up in my head has been smashed to smithereens and replaced with his ideas. Its been a humbling experience but its been good its been teaching me to have more faith in the lord and to know that he has a plan and if I would just follow it than I will be happier in the end. Sometimes its hard to let go of the built up plan you have in your head but when I do I find that the plan the lord has for me was much better and end up making me even happier. Things are changing and what once would have scared me as it didn't fit with the "plan" I had in my head is now not so scary because I know its all going to work out because its part of the lords plan and nothing can go wrong when I am following him.

Comfort Zone.

2009-09-06T14:42:00.001-07:00

Get out of your comfort zone. You won't know what you're capable of until you try to go beyond what you've done before.

Life!

2009-09-03T12:17:00.000-07:00

There are so many aspects that we think make up a perfect life, there's your work life something everyone has got to have to be able to live, than there's your personal life ( keeping up with friends, or a special someone if you have that, cleaning your room etc.), than theres you spiritual life and time with the lord. I have found that keeping up with all of these is just dang hard work and I ahve often found that when I get one aspect taken care of another falls apart ( just walk in my room and you will have proof of this). Anyway I have found that the key to this is just to breath there is no way to have every aspect of your life covered perfectly unless perhaps you have the ausome ability to make time stand still ( i'm working on honing this skill). I just relax and take each day as it comes I try to cover all the bases and do what I can and what I can't I leave be, stressing will rarely help anything. Of course you don't want to just laze around and not do anything but as long as your giving each aspect your best shot than leave the rest be. No one is perfect and no one lives a perfect life but you can live a pretty good one as long as you don't go through life worried about all your missing and instead enjoy what you are doing.
This is my philosify and I'm sticking to it ( that is until I walk in my room and start stressing about the mess but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it).

It's gone!

2009-09-02T22:08:00.000-07:00

Well, here's the recent news I went out and cut my hair and for some reason layered in spanish means really short. Here's some pics, its pretty bad but its been really nice in the heat so praise the lord.

In other news I am still computer less and missing it oh so very much, computers are pure evil they make you addicted and than break right at your height of addiction. I shall love my computer so heartily when it returns from its little vacation, perhaps I shall even promise to clean its screen every day.
Other than that I am alive kicking and well, for now at least, you never know what could happen.

The Story Of My Life!

2009-08-27T17:27:00.000-07:00

Oh yes, and more bad luck is mine my computer just crashed my wonderful tech savey brother says its the blue screen of death ( whatever that is it sounds terrible). So people are pulling out to do a weekend of fundraising so it means I'll be suck all weekend without a computer, oh yes life just gets better and better! The funny thing is when my brother told me what was wrong and that I would probable lose everything on my computer I just started laughing, I think I snapped or maybe I've just have had this happen to me so many times that I just have learned to handle it really really well. Well cheers to long weekends without computers and the blue screen of death ( I will get back at you for this just wait and see)!

At it again!

2009-08-21T23:09:00.000-07:00

Well I'm back at my favorite past time again, CANNING!!! Yep gotta love it, or maybe you don't either way I just finished a day of it. Its been awhile, I forgot how sore you get I'm feeling muscles in places I didn't even know I had muscles in. I'm either really out of shape or car lighting really takes it out of you either way I'm feeling the after affects. You know despite how much I say I dislike canning it always seems to call me back, Its like fattening food you hate it you try and stay away from it but you always seem to end up eating it. Anyway I have another morning of it tomorrow so wish me luck and shoot up some desperate prayers for us, until next time.

I am a sinner!

2009-08-19T15:59:00.000-07:00

I feel like I have cheated on this blog, after posting a whole thing about the evil things that are stealing the good bloggers I have made a..... get ready for it..... face book account. Don't worry I can explain why I have done this evil deed, the thing is someone had posted pictures on their face book account that I wanted to see but I couldn't go on unless I had an account. So I guiltily made one, but fear not I will try my darnedest to not get sucked into its evil tentacles I will stay true to this blog. I hope.

Pioneering!

2009-08-19T15:49:00.000-07:00

Living in a pioneer home is challenging to put it in nice pretty flowery words or word. In moving here I knew I was going to be moving to a pioneer situation but having lived the last six years in a pioneer situation I figured I'd be just fine. I figured I had pasted that grade and I could do it again no problem maybe it would even be fun this time around. Oh boy was I ever wrong, I don't care what anyone else says no matter how many times you've pioneered and started out a home it never gets any easier. You could do it a hundred times but no matter what if you did it again it would still be hard. Pioneering is just plain nitty gritty in your face peddle to the metal sweaty grueling hard work, but you know what else its worth it. Because for every cloud that blocks the sun there is a silver lining, and for every tunnel that you struggle through there is always a light at the end. Pioneering may be work but the pay off is sweet, and in the end the endless hours you put into the home will come back to you in the form of a smooth running bonded home and winning team with goals, vision, and a flock to show for it.
( I'm really hoping this is one of those times where I'm super right on, Grin.)

And on the seventh day....

2009-08-17T20:19:00.000-07:00

...He rested. Oh yes, I am finishing my day of rest for the week and it was sweet. It has been like three weeks since I had a full day off, it felt like longer though. Rest is sweet, and doing nothing is just the way to go after a long long week. You should all follow my good example and do like wise, its biblical you know.

Showers!

2009-08-17T20:09:00.000-07:00

I tell you there is nothing that beats a nice hot shower after a long days work. You just stand there and the water washes all over you and just relaxes all the sore and painful parts of your body. After a long day you just stand there and its like the water is washing away everything that went wrong and all you have to do is take a deep breath and let go of all the annoyances and hurts of the day and let the water wash them down the drain. Showers are god's way of apologizing for making dirt! Grin.

Lined Paper

2009-08-12T14:51:00.000-07:00

I really like lined paper, I don't know why there is just something about a nice clean white piece of lined paper, add a brand new sharpened pencil and you got me, Grin. Maybe its because its so organized and clean so straight and asymmetrical, but yeah every time I see a piece of lined paper it makes me happy. Just thought I'd share this Tid Bit of information with you, so that you can feel just a little bit closer to me.

Shyness.

2009-08-12T14:38:00.000-07:00

Believe it or not I used to be a really shy person, crowds frightened me, I would get tongue tied every time someone I didn't know walked in the room, and carrying on a conversation with someone new was like getting a tooth pulled. But for some reason I just stopped I don't know if it was any specific thing or it was just me growing up, I now have no problem conversing with people I have never met nor know very well. Mind you I'm not a very loud talkative person so although I may not be very shy I am still not a real conversationalist. I just thought I would share this little testimony for all those who battle with shyness, get out of yourself most people could care less about what you mess up on so just have fun and don't worry about what other people think. After a little bit of effort to get out of yourself most of the times you'll find the shyness kind of wears off and you begin to enjoy yourself more. So smile, laugh, have fun, get out there and just forget they are other people.

I'm Back!

2009-08-10T15:13:00.000-07:00

Yep Yep, I'm back, just got back last night it's been a long time. I love that feeling of coming home and finding everything exactly as you left it as if you haven't been gone a minute. Besides being probable twenty pounds heavier the road trip was a lot of fun and I'd do it again tomorrow. Anyway I don't have any pictures and there is just to many stories to tell, so I'll just say all's well that ends well and bid you a due.

Still on the road!

2009-08-06T10:21:00.000-07:00

Well I've been on the road for about a week now, its been a nice break. Been sleeping in all sorts of different places, meeting people, eating A LOT, and just overall having a great road trip. Last night we went to a Chinese buffet and I was able to talk to one of the waitress there in Chinese sad to say I had forgotten most if not all of my Chinese which sucks. I need to find a way to practice it, I worked so hard for it it'd be a shame to lose it. Anyway I'll be home soon so all my home members can rejoice I'll be back to manage and schedule your lives away. Ya Ha Ha!!! ( This is meant to be an evil cackle by the by.)

Hard Times!

2009-08-03T11:30:00.001-07:00

Some of the hardest times in your life bring out the most beautiful things, the times you fall the hardest are the times you rise the most. The saddest tears you cry bring out the most beautiful smiles, the more your heart breaks the more it heals.

Sometimes the cloudier your eyes get the clearer you see things, the times when we are weakest are the times when we are the strongest. Times when we are flat on our back with out an ounce of strength left are the times that teach us the most.

The more problems we have the more solutions we find, the harder the battle greater the victory. The more of us that dies the more space the lord has to fill with him, the greater the breaking the better the remaking. Battles are here to help us and make us better, never loathe the hard times though they may try you to your limit its from these times that we lose the most that we gain the most. From the ashes of ourselves is born a new and better person.

The Tapestry!

2009-08-02T11:36:00.000-07:00

I had a dream last night, I walked into a room and there was a man sitting there weaving on a large old fashioned loom. He was just starting to weave a new tapestry and I sat down to watch he began with colors that I thought were beautiful they complimented each other I approved of the choices he was making. Then he started adding other colors, colors I thought were ugly or just didn't go with the color palette. I questioned his choice and pointed out what I thought would be a better choice, the weaver while continuing to weave just told me to wait and see. I sat there fuming in my mind wondering what kind of fool would pick the colors this weaver had picked. The weaver continued his dexterous hands moving about with skill and grace, finally he was done and stood back to admire his work. I looked at it expecting to see a tapestry ruined by a poor choice of colors, but when I looked at it I nearly cried all of the colors worked together they blended and moved and told a story with every change of hue. It was truly magnificent and I realized if he had left the colors I had not wanted out it would not have been half as beautiful. Then the weaver looked at me and I could see that this was no ordinary weaver this was my love. He looked into my eyes and spoke saying " My child this is the tapestry of your life, sometimes I weave things into your life that you like and think go well together and other times I weave things in that you don't like and you feel mess with your plan. But as you can see in the end its more beautiful than if I had done it your way. So my love trust me for the things in your life despite what you may feel for in the end your life will be a tapestry of glory for me."
Than he took me in his arms and kissed away the tears that streamed down my face, tears of shame that I had ever questioned his plan, that I had ever questioned his wisdom, that I had ever questioned his love. He looked into my eyes and in that moment I knew that as long as he was weaving the plan of my life I had nothing to fear.

Bye-Bye

2009-07-31T09:31:00.001-07:00

She came, we partied, she left and now we will miss her!
Love you Angie, it was great getting to know you. I will miss all the senseless giggling at nothing and the good times. Come back some day, we'll go out and dance on table tops and get free margaritas. Take care of yourself and don't let anyone make you feel anything less than you are. Have fun in your new home! Smooches and hugs!!!!

So many thoughts!

2009-07-31T09:24:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wish there were a pause button that you could press that would still the every constant thoughts that buzz through your head.I wish I could just press it and find release from the mirage of details that fly through my mind on a regular bases. Being the practical person that I am I can never really truly enjoy the moment cause I'm constantly thinking about the consequences or how long it will last, or what needs to happen next. But if this magical pause button did exist I could just pause those thoughts and enjoy the moment and than when I need to think again I could turn it back on and return to earth. Someday some really smart handsome person will invent this, and than they will get rich and famous and live in a mansion with gold toilet seats and I will come to them and thank them profusely and than we will get married and live happily ever after. ( Yes this is my fantasy, and gold toilet seats is a big part of it.)

On the road again!

2009-07-30T13:22:00.000-07:00

Yep yep, I have once again heard the call of the road and followed. I am gone on a week long road trip with Paul and Carmen, I'm excited it been awhile since I've been out of the house so it will be nice to get a break. Pray for us that all goes well and that our fundraising and follow-up is fruitful!

2009-07-22T19:28:00.000-07:00

Love is giving someone the chance to break your heart but trusting that they wont.

Is it done yet.

2009-07-22T19:20:00.000-07:00

I have been having the longest week in the history of the world, and its still not over. Don't ask me how this is possible I've been told that time moves at the same passe no matter what but I swear to god someone pushed the slow mo button on this week. I'm closing my eyes just tell me when its over....

Akeyna Raven

2009-07-17T18:20:00.000-07:00

Here is the little Pink Squishy thing commonly called my new niece, she is so cute!!! I'm in lvoe already, Damn babies every time I see them I'm like " oh I want one". Why do they have to be so adorable and small?
Any way keep my sis in your prayers, shes still suffering from high blood pressure. Love you tans!

Totally Mushy Post!

2009-07-16T21:46:00.000-07:00

Someday ( and I hope this is sooner rather than later) I want to love someone so completely and totally, I want to love despite the possibility of hurt, I want to look into there eyes and in that look be able to feel complete. I want to put myself out there and in the end gain the other persons love, I want to find a love that cannot be chalked up to infatuation. I want to let myself go and enjoy the ride of a relationship wherever it may take me. Someday, I will, for now I will content myself to being single.

Yo-Yo!

2009-07-16T07:41:00.000-07:00

I feel like I'm on the Yo-Yo string of emotions, I have been going up and down and all around and its making me sick. I just want it to stop I want to just be at peace to calm my whirlwind of thoughts and just relax breath in and out. One day I feel on top of the world, the next I feel like I
I'm in the deepest darkest pit, I hate this!

Pics from CHEA!

2009-07-15T17:25:00.000-07:00

Pics from the 4th!

2009-07-15T16:50:00.001-07:00

Falling apart one piece at a time!

2009-07-15T09:09:00.000-07:00

My Jaw is killing me right now I woke up the other day with it and it seems to be getting worse I haven't eaten solids in two days and its hurts to talk or even smile. Please pray for it to go away whatever it is and that it will be soon.
For now I will praise the lord for all the weight I will be losing from not eating, PTL!!

Its a Girl!

2009-07-15T09:07:00.000-07:00

My sister just had her baby I am so happy, Its a girl and from what I've heard its healthy and without deformities. I don't have any pictures but when I do I will post them for your viewing pleasure! But for now just rejoice with me, Tania and Devon congrats you'll be great parents I'm sure, love you both!!!

Blogging old news?

2009-07-10T20:37:00.000-07:00

It is sad that new things like twitter, face book, and all sorts of other nonsense is taking over the blogging world all of the best blogs are closing due to the new face book craze. But fear not my blog readers I shall not desert you I shall remain faithful until the bitter end. Which I'm sure there will be do to the alarming rate of blogs that are dying out, why do things have to change? Why do we feel the need to abandon a perfectly good form of commuicating? Stay with me dear fellow bloggers we must keep the blogging circle alive!

CHEA!

2009-07-10T20:33:00.000-07:00

I'm Back in Cali for a weekend of seminaring, other wise known as attending CHEA. I made it through the first day despite being dead tired ( I had insomnia the night before and only slept for about an hour) I enjoyed it. The only downside to attending seminars like this is that there is just so much imput that you end up not really being able to absorb it all and on top of that you feel like a totally faliure as far as homeschoolers go. Its like being caught in a spot light stark naked in the middle of a full stadium. But its all good I will walk away from this better for it, I have a hunch.

Weekend!!!

2009-07-06T09:26:00.000-07:00

I just got back from San Diego where I went to visit my older brother for the 4th of July weekend, and can I just say I truly miss living in the states where I can walk out my door and actually understand what the heck everyone is saying. But you know PTL, I had fun we had a nice BBQ right by the pool and it was actually hot enough to want to swim which is a definet plus. It was a nice family get together, best of all my mom is coming down here next week which makes me jump for joy, I almost can't wait!!! ( Yes, I am a mommies girl, and I'm not ashamed of it.)

Anyway I'll try and commandeir the pictures from Prom's cammara so you can see me in all my ugly glory.

Another birthday post!

2009-07-06T09:21:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Sis!!!! I love you, hope you have an amazing year and that everything works out for you. I miss you and the little bunchins, your in my prayers make sure the little guys don't forget me. Love and prayers, Smoooch!!!

Fruit Picking!

2009-06-28T23:12:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the singles WNR so we went out to this ranch to pick some fruit, it was kinda like the garden of Eden minus the nakedness and anything besides the fruit. I was expecting something far worse from the stories I heard it sounded like a desert with knee high thorn bushes and dirty ugly mangy guard dogs, mixed in with piles of old metal and junk, and snakes every where, but it was quite nice in a rustic way with tons of fruit trees with this wonderful lushes fruit hanging on the branches. Well since I'm not very good at describing I will post pictures.

The happy fruit pickers, excuse the ugly one in the middle she likes to stick her head into pictures every so often just to ruin them.

See what I'm saying about luscious fruit.

And beautiful landscape.

Birthday Lunch!

2009-06-28T22:54:00.001-07:00

On my Birthday my older sister took me out for lunch which was nice, we had fish taco's which I had been very leary of eating as I'm very much not a fish person, but surprisingly enough there were pretty good. After that we went to a little place for these Popsicle stick thing's I forget the name, and my lovely sister and Ana decide to embarrass me by singing happy birthday nice and loudly. But other than that it was very nice, thank you timna!

Rewards!

2009-06-28T07:48:00.000-07:00

(Dad:) "Sure, the life of a disciple, the life of a missionary, is not an easy one. I'm the first to admit that! But I'm also eager to add that you'll never regret living a life of sacrifice. What you gain in return is so much more weighty, so much more glorious, so much more rewarding than anything you ever gave up, that it almost makes you ashamed that you ever flinched about having to give something up for the Lord. I'll tell you what, when I was received into the gates of Heaven, I fell down on my knees and told the Lord that I was unworthy. Everything that the Lord gave me was worth a million times a million times more than anything that I'd given up in my life on Earth! (Note: When Dad says 'a million times a million times,' that's not a typo or a mistake but an actual indication of the size of his reward!...)" (3186:38-39)

Editor: Here's a mathematics exercise:

A million times a million is a trillion. How much is a trillion-fold return on your investment?

* If you give up one second of pleasure....

...you get back 31,700 years of pleasure.

* If you give up one minute of pleasure...

...you get back 1.9 million years of pleasure.

* If you give up a penny...

...you get back 10 billion dollars.

* If you forgo a date or a mate...

...well, you get the idea!

Three Years and Counting!

2009-06-28T07:42:00.000-07:00

This Day marks the three year anniversary of my blog!!!! Its been a happy and good three years as I look back I am proud of what has filled these pages, there are a few posts I wish I hadn't posted but overall it has fulfilled its job which was to inform my family of what I'm up to, share the things I thought were beautiful or interesting, and just overall be there when I needed it which it has been. I want to try and keep this blog for a good while longer ( quite possible my entire adult life) just so someday when I'm old and grey I can look back on the posts I did when I was fifteen, when I had my first kid, when I got married, etc. Anyway so hurray for blogs and all there niceties!!!!

The first ( of many).

2009-06-26T00:09:00.000-07:00

Well today was my first home council as a full voting member, and it was.... well pretty much the same. But you know what that's not the point the point is that it was my first just the memorability of that deserves a exhausted twelve fifteen at night post. I will leave you with this important news as I go catch some shut eye, Good night all. Oh and I love you!!!!

One month!

2009-06-24T08:57:00.000-07:00

As of today I have been in my new home for one month, how time does fly! It seems like I've only been here a week but the week I thought it was is actually a whole month.
I have found there are stages to this whole moving thing, first you go through the exciting just moved everything's new week.
Than you hit the I miss home, nostalgia, everyone here has cooties here week, where it takes all the strength in you to hold on and not book the next plane back.
Than slowly that feeling goes away the people in your home look less like black hairy monsters and more like nice caring human beings, you get a routine, you get your job down, and everything starts to look just a little bit brighter. I am happy to announce that I am officialy in this stage now and I am happy.
Well here's to the first month in a new home, Cheers!!!

Eighteen!?

2009-06-21T09:21:00.000-07:00

Oh wow, eighteen is one of those things you hear about and people always tell you is huge but personally I don't feel a whole lot different. I hope this year is a memorable year as it already is shaping out to be, moving for the first time has efficiently marked this as a hallmark year.
I want to do more this year than I have ever done before, I want to become a much better disciple this year. I want to experience things I have never experienced before, I want to push the envelope and fully and totally forsake my comfort zone. I want to say yes to things I would normally say no to, I want to become the kind of teacher my students deserve. I want to get in better shape physically, I want to learn to play guitar. I want to let the people I love know that I love them on a more regular bases, I want to be able at the end of this year to look back and be proud of how far I have come. I want to stop settling for being mediocre in what I do and become extraordinary, I want to be the kind of person I admire. I want to make new friends, meet new people, and lead at least one person to the lord. I want to stop putting myself in a box of what I can and can't do and try whatever comes my way despite what it looks like. I want to forsake my pride and get out of myself when I have the chance, I want to stop caring so much what other people think. I want to be more yielded to the lords will in my life, I want to learn to be flexible and to bend as far as the lord wants me to. I want to do all this and more, I know these are high hopes but why shoot for less when the sky is the limit.

( We'll see how much of this I actually accomplish.)

Happy Father's Day!

2009-06-20T21:23:00.000-07:00

Happy Father's day to the best Daddy in the world! I love you! Your the bestest daddy a girl could ask for, I can only hope my kids have the kind of daddy that I had. Love and kisses from your little girl.

Beauty!

2009-06-20T21:22:00.001-07:00

It’s hard to stay mad, when there’s so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I’m seeing it all at once, and its too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that’s about to burst…and then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can’t feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life…you have no idea when I’m talking about, I’m sure. But don’t worry…you will someday.

Revolution!

2009-06-20T21:00:00.000-07:00

Smell the air! Breathe in the wind! It tastes like revolution to Me.

News!

2009-06-15T08:48:00.000-07:00

Here's what's new:

I went to see wolverine the other day, and oh wow can I just say that any movie with Hugh Jackman will never ever be bad to me. It was pretty much the best movie I've seen in awhile, I mean what can beat a sickeningly hot guy with claws, if you find something let me know.

I am also learning to play guitar, at this point I'm still at the point where people walk around with ear plugs when I'm practicing. But I have hopes that I will eventually get to the point where they just cringe. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Yesterday we took the kids to the beach for the morning and I am now suffering from the first really bad sunburn of the summer. The kind that prevents you from sleeping, sitting, or pretty much doing anything without being in pain. But I'm looking on the bright side that hopefully I will now have this really great tan, that will totally make up for the week of pain I am going to endure.

And that's whats new, hope you enjoyed those little snippets of news. Until next time reflect on this:

"I am nobody
Nobody is perfect
Therefore, I must be perfect!"
- Anon

Rest Day!

2009-06-07T18:58:00.000-07:00

Today came around and as is usual I take one day for a little rest and recuperation from the action that makes up my week. So me and Ana were having our rest day and we made a little excursion into town, at first we were going to try and find this second hand market but unfortunately after walking through many smelly alley ways we couldn't find it. So because we were hungry we decided to find somewhere to eat and I thought of this nice restaurant that we had eaten at while we were at the ED seminar. After much trekking we were able to locate the place and we enjoyed a wonderful meal together here are some pics.

And then we trekked back its was quite a hike as it was up hill and I was wearing heels and my feet we're killing me.

But as I looked out over the city it was beautiful, I didn't quite capture it with the camera you had to be there to really enjoy the beauty.

And than we got home and we were happy, full, and content with life. Until next time, Adios.

Eyes!

2009-06-07T14:05:00.000-07:00

THE EYES HAVE IT! The eyes started it! The eyes did it & the eyes finished it! All hail to the eyes as the most potent witnesses of God's love!

Beach!

2009-06-07T13:58:00.000-07:00

Here are the pics that promised of the beach, we went there on our WNR last week it was pretty beautiful. Of course I have always loved the beach so it would seem beautiful regardless of whether or not that was true. While we were walking some dolphins were jumping up and down in the waves which was pretty cool as I've never actually seen a real live dolphin. ( Another time I just wish I had a camara.) So anyway without futher ado here are the pics...

Single and Loving it?

2009-06-06T08:28:00.000-07:00

I have realized a growing trend in single women to feel incomplete or ashamed of not having a Boyfriend. Now before I start ranting all my thoughts I will just say I don't feel that you are weird or out of the ordinary for thinking this. Anyway so back to the subject, I am single and believe it or not have never had a boyfriend. Part of the reason for that is because I always thought little kids who are not old enough to really know how to have a relationship and say they have a Boyfriend are really silly. Thus I never got into that whole puppy love scene. So I think woman should rejoice in being single and enjoy it rather than feel ashamed of it and try and hide it. Being single is a wonderful thing, you have freedom and you can do pretty much what you want without having to devote your life to one person. It's wonderful if you have found that person that makes your heart leap at the sight of them, or even just that person that you feel right with, but if not I say what the heck enjoy not having that person. We single's should not feel ashamed or like any less of a person, throw your hands up and enjoy the ride. So that's my thoughts, to all you single women I say party on!!!

Happy Birthday!

2009-06-05T08:17:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday to my big sis!!!! It seems like only yesterday we were young and fighting like cat and dog. Now your turning twenty and soon to be a mom, it seems unreal. I'm truly happy for you and Devin and hope that you have to greatest year ahead. Best wishes and a prayer for a great year, Love your little sis.

Home Sick!

2009-06-04T10:35:00.000-07:00

I miss my old home, I miss New York, I even miss ( and this will some amazing) NY city and car lighting.

I miss looking out my window and seeing this...

I miss waking up in the morning and seeing these people...

I miss playing in our backyard and our wonderful BBQ's...

I miss feeling at home, feeling like an integral part of a home, knowing exactly what's going on and how the schedule is going to run. Most of all I just miss that comfortable feeling you have when you've worked and lived in a place so long that you know every inch and corner every crevasse and bump and hole. But I guess being uncomfortable is good because it pushes you out of that comfort zone and helps you to grow and change passed the confines that your comfortable place put you in. Still I wish I could click my shiny red heels together and wish myself home if only for a few minutes.

Settling in!

2009-06-03T11:38:00.001-07:00

Its been over a week that we've been here though it seems quite a bit longer. I'm settling in now life is getting a bit more normal, and I'm fully switched over to the time change. I've started teaching the older grades now, its a bit different than what I'm used to as before I had a five year, a three year old, and a toddler. If you have ever taught these ages all at once you'll know what I'm talking about, now I teach an seven year old, a six year old, and a five year old its much calmer and they actually sit and do their school which is amazing. I went to the beach the other day which I will give a full account of and if your really lucky pictures when I get time. But yeah life is going swimmingly for now.

Another post!

2009-05-29T14:11:00.000-07:00

Wow I don't think I've been this faithful to post in awhile I guess there's just so much going on I have things to say.
Have you ever just surfed random blogs for the fun of it? I do that all the time I don't even know the person and I just go on their blog, which is cool because I can be up on all the latest gossip so if for some reason someone mentions them to me I can know who they are and have a full run down on all their activities. But other than that I just go on peoples blog more for the reason that the people I know rarely post so I must seek other fellow blogger's who do.
In other news I went last night to do some more pick ups, we went to this Brazilian restaurant that donate the leftover food from their buffet. While we were waiting I talked to the bartender who was the only who spoke English and he was telling me about how he worked in NY, and as is the tendency of anyone who lives in NY we started talking about the terrible winters. I must say the winters in NY are something I am definitely not going to miss. So after that we picked up the food and driving back to the house we have to go up this really steep hill and you can see Ensenada all spralled out with the sparkling lightes it was pretty gorgeous, another time I just wish I had a camara.